Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
