everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
