her vagine was all disorganized.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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