ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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