I think I am morally bankrupt
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
