I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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