Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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