Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
