those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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