Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
