this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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