At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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