how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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