Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
