Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
