Ambien. No doubt about it.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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