Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
