oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
