Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
