How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i barfeds in our rink
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
