White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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