You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
