I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I enjoy the company of your penis
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
