I am in a vortex of obligation.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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