I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
