I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
