every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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