The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
