So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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