I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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