If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
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