I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
