We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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