I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
