i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
