Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
