shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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