dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
