Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
