You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
