can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
