I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
