somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
