whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
