you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
