a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
