just come out here and I will go home with you...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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