So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
