He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
