the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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