Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
